Monday, 16 February 2004 | Twin

1. Sometimes I mistake other people for me. Of course, within a fraction of a second I realize that it isn't me, because it would be impossible for there to be two of me. The person I mistake for me doesn't even have to look much like me, although often she does. In any case, it's an odd feeling to think someone else is you, however brief that moment is. It's a little bit like accidentally seeing your reflection in a store mirror and thinking it's someone else, but without the judgment.

2. I gave away my old computer. It was nice, actually. I got to hang out with someone I hadn't seen in almost a year-and-a-half. It went about how I'd expected—we got along well and made references to the things we know about each other, the things we could assume hadn't changed. We talked about things that were new, about plans and goals and people. We ate burritos and closed down a wood-paneled bar near Penn Station; we were abandoned by the other customers and were cleaned around. It wasn't about the computer, anyway. I think I feel better.

3. Lately it's been bothering me that my mid-twenties are stubbornly distancing themselves, not because I necessarily want to be in the same place as I was then, but because those years feel close, even though the calendar says otherwise. I have a theory that it's because I still feel like I know the person I was then, it being the first five-year period that I haven't changed substantially. ... I don't feel old otherwise. And apparently I don't look old, at least according to the postal worker in window 4 on 18th Street and 7th Avenue.

4. My surgeon sent me two letters this past week. The second was a bill for $890. The first was to ask me to donate money to the hospital. Aren't those more or less the same letter?

5. At the zoo this weekend, loud children made a red panda nervously pace back and forth. I watched two tigers slap each other with big, furry paws. I ate stale curly fries out of desperation. A peacock ran away from me. A monkey tried to feed me some bright orange food by smashing it up to the glass, where I'd placed my hand for his benefit. That made me really happy.