Wednesday, 24 July 2002 | The vet

It's taken me a few visits to come to this conclusion, but I've decided that I really don't like my vet. I mean, she's friendly, and helpful, to an extent, but she talks in circles and it takes her at least an hour to do anything. Today, for example, I took my cat Leeches in to get a shot. I knew what I wanted, as we'd discussed Leeches' problem just a week ago, and the same vet agreed with me then as to what we should do. Regardless, I sat in a room waiting for 45 minutes, and the vet talked to me for an additional 45 minutes before actually administering the shot, a procedure that took a total of 5 seconds.

On top of that, she lapses into baby talk whenever she sees my cat. Today she scrunched her nose, flared her lower lip, and held Leeches' face level with hers, letting her voice rise and fall like a roller coaster as she said, "I wish I could read your mind, yes I do. I wish I were a pet psychic, that's right. Aw, look at that li'l bware butt ub yours..." When she finished she turned to me and said, "I honestly believe some people can literally communicate with animals." And then she probably started saying something she'd already said a few minutes before.