Sunday, 05 December 2004 | Service

Todd ordered a latte, which was considered acceptable by the woman behind the counter. She turned to me. And what do you want?

Um, I'll have the same thing, but with a shot of vanilla, I told her.

"This isn't Starbucks," was her reply.

"Cancel that order then, and just give me a Frappuccino and an Egg McMuffin," is what I should've said (according to Todd). Instead, I sheepishly ordered a regular coffee and frowned at Todd when the woman wasn't looking.

...

Last night, at a fancy restaurant, I asked if I could have some butter to go with the basket of bread sitting in front of me. "We don't use butter," the waitress told me. "We use this instead," she said, gesturing to a plate of small, whole potatoes. Potatoes as a butter substitute? Potatoes on bread? No butter anywhere in the kitchen that she could bring me?

Again, I didn't say anything. Instead, I spread a potato on my bread; it tasted as bad as I'd feared, and (crazy, I know) nothing at all like butter.