Monday, 10 January 2005 | Trapper Keeper

I mail rent to my landlords so that I don't have to see them. I have three landlords (as far as I can tell), three abrasive old ladies who talk over each other and listen to nothing but their own voices. I don't even know whether my rent money ever reaches them (I send a money order, per their shady requirements, therefore there's no receipt), but it's worth it to me to not have to visit their apartment.

They don't have a computer, and they keep all of their records in what looks like a sloppy Trapper Keeper that's been in the possession of a spastic fourth-grader. As such, they don't keep track of their tenants very closely. In fact, on several occasions it's been made clear to me that they have no idea what my rent is. (I've repeatedly reminded them.) There is an amount written down somewhere, but it's not the amount I'm expected to pay; rather, it's the amount that they want to tell the next tenant that I pay, so that they can eventually charge that person more. I would find it worrisome that my real rent contract is strictly verbal (I suppose they could claim I haven't been holding up my end of the agreement), but I'm counting on their utter disorganization to trump their greed and immorality. (On second thought, maybe I should be worried.)

My downstairs neighbor, whose apartment is actually part boutique, hasn't paid rent for seven months, and no one's said anything to her. She said she stopped paying when the chronic problems of her apartment were consistently ignored and she had to pay for repairs out of her own pocket. When I asked if she was nervous about being kicked out, she shrugged, which made me feel somewhat confident that I wouldn't get burned (as I'm paying the full agreed amount) and foolish (as I'm paying the full agreed amount).

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that they haven't contacted her. The only communication that's ever broadcast from the landlords' castle is the yearly generic letter that reminds us all that our apartment building is chock full of lead paint. (The letter suggests that I take action if I have any young kids, and that I ignore the letter if I don't.) Infractions, on the other hand, are apparently not grounds for contact. However, that's almost worse than its antithesis, because it makes the landlords appear mysterious and unsound, and therefore way more intimidating. It also sort of makes me feel as if I'm squatting in my own expensive apartment.